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Judging by this marketing, the popular prom theme
for 2010 was douchebag chic. Minus the chic. |
What's the etiquette for camouflage weddings? Does
the bride wear an orange hunting vest?
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"Groom Wear / Tuxedo" from a Chinese online company.
How do you say "gauche" in Mandarin? |
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Nothing says state dinner like this After Six "Rainbow
Tailcoat". |
You can tell this guy's really cool because he doesn't
believe in shaving or wearing clothes that fit. Also,
he's drinking wine.
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You go, girl. |
This is described as
a "formal wear essential" that's "timeless", "sophisticated",
"classic" and "elegant". The
internet
doesn't lie. |
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"Bridegroom suit / Groom wear / Tuxedo / Tailcoat"
examples from the
"Suzhou Purple Rain Lover Wedding Dress Factory" in China.
Newsflash, people: not even Prince would wear this crap.
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Rising to the challenge from the upstart Chinese, Italian designers Ottavio Nuccio
conjure up their own atrocities in skintight silk. Added Bonus: these designs are available as
wallpaper for your computer.
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The all-white tuxedo with colored accessories: What part of "black
tie" don't you understand? |
Al Capone probably would have loved this.
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Who knew dinner
jackets were available in molded plastic? For
men who dig that Claymation look.
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Because you never know when a tennis game
could break out at your formal event. |
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Formal wear for rodeo doctors. |
When a tuxedo alone is not enough to show
how classy you are . . . add giant illuminated dollar signs!
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"Christening tuxedo." a.k.a.
baby pimp clothes. |
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Matching outfits turn bridesmaids into Barbie dolls and grooms into eunuchs.
Of course, the brides who pick these colors would never be
caught dead in them.
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Redneck prom. Only in America. |
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Casualties of the Millennium Button Wars.
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Euro formal wear. As in "eur-o-my-god
those things are hideous."
Blame Italy for the collection on the left and Germany for
the getup on the right.
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Special Achievement: Designer Andrew
Fezza is described as combining the "sophistication of European design" and the
"casual ease of American design". These
outfits suggest more of a cross-breed of euro trash and
trailer trash. From L to R: powder-blue
"Captain's Coat" 100% irony-free, scarlet "Monaco" also
available in periwinkle and spring blue, white "Davinci"
formal bathrobe, and pink 2-button shawl collar - suitable
for you and your "girlfriend". |
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What time does the magic
show start? |
Get out the fancy huntin' rifle, ma.
We're gettin' gussied up tonight!
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Popular with men aspiring to become
tropical resort bartenders. |
Retina-scorching matching accessories. |
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Click the image
to see why this design could not be less appropriate for a
festive occasion. |
Hmmm. It's a
bit subdued for my tastes. Do you have anything a
little bolder? |
So bad on so many
levels: pairing a
long tie with a cummerbund,
tucking the tie into the cummerbund,
combining
this garish mess with a pathetic wing collar . . .
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The worst part
of this hideous cummerbund & tie set? The American makers
refer to it as "UK Style". |
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Tiger print a bit over the top for you?
No problem - these also come in cheetah and leopard.
The set is described as "both distinctive, yet simple, that is to say, it bears
class."
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Not to be outdone in the
animal prints department, this competitor offers their
leopard accessories in fuzzy fabric. It's like petting
the animal itself. |
According to the maker,
these lighted shirt buttons and bow tie ensure that "This
tuxedo isn't boring!" Can't argue with that. |
If
the lighted jacket, trousers, shirt and tie aren't juvenile
enough, add a matching cummerbund. (And what's with the
naked mannequin?) |
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From a retailer that
calls regular suits "special tuxedos".
Presumably the
black background is what qualifies these neon ties as
"formal."
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For guys who want minimum effort
and maximum tastelessness. |
Who needs to pay two hundred
bucks for a pair of formal shoes when you can just glue a
bow onto a pair of regular slip-ons? |
These
patent leather running shoes
are also available in white if
you prefer something a little less formal.
(I'm not making this stuff
up.) |
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I'm not sure what is the worst thing
about these "optional" wide leg formal pants: the
cheesy design or
the moronic marketing. |
These "evening shoes" should appeal to
hipsters and geriatrics alike. |
Italy has long been a leader in men's
style. Of course, they have their bad days too.
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The "Colonel Tie" is the bestselling
formal tie at an online western bridal wear shop that is
proud to be the "Official Home of the Original Western Denim
Wedding Dress" |
The shirt's fuchsia hue and undersized,
flaccid wings aren't likely to
attract many women. (Most men will probably keep their
distance too.) |
Nothing says formal like
"pimp cane". This comes from
an American retailer
that
offers
a choice of
15
different heads and, fortunately for the
rest of the world, international shipping. |
Think only girls can dress pretty at
black tie affairs? This continental tie and cummerbund
set begs to differ. (Tip: invert the neckwear to
create a fashionable polyester tiara.) |
The following are screen
captures of actual formalwear Web sites . . .
